The Struggle is Real
I love Islam as much as I hate myself. Seems a bit harsh, but it’s true. Sometimes, I’ll get mad at myself for getting mad. Make sense? It’s a vicious cycle, and very hard to explain.
I’ve always been hard on myself and easy on others. The people around me see something in me that I have yet to see in myself. The odd thing is, I’m not even a pessimistic person. Confused yet?
When it comes to others, I’m super optimistic and encouraging. Ned Flanders-like. Yes, that annoying. However, for some reason when it comes to myself, I’m just extra tough. I’ve failed so many times with my own personal struggles that it has literally stopped me in my tracks and made me laugh. Oh, I’m not laughing with me, I’m laughing at me. If you weren’t confused before, I bet you are now.
I struggle to pray on-time, every time. I struggle to wake up for Fajr. I struggle to open the Qur’an on a regular basis. I struggle with many things, but one thing I’ve never been, is a quitter. In fact, I’m almost too competitive, if that’s actually a thing. It’s not like I’m overburdening myself with extra prayers and acts of worship (which isn’t good, either). No, I’m struggling with maintaining the bare essentials. I know I’m not alone.
I spoke with one of my homeboys on the west coast not too long ago. He’s a convert. He felt the same way. He’s struggling as well. Our hearts are fragile, and are in desperate need of sincerity. It’s really easy to get caught up in the routine. It can prove to be tiresome, and in fact, cause our faith to decrease. We’re missing the why we do what we do. We are fully aware of the how aspect of worship.
I mean, just think about it. Imagine praying with such humility that Allah accepts your prayer. We take that for granted. How many prayers have we made that aren’t even registered as sincere? It’s a scary thought. All I know is that I don’t take sincerity lightly, and although I can’t say I’ve always been sincere, I do pray that I am sincere when I pray for sincerity despite all my shortcomings.
So, I’ll simply make the dua that the Prophet ﷺ often made and rely upon Him … “O, Turner of the hearts, make my heart firm on Your religion.”
The struggle is real, but I refuse to accept shaytan’s deal.
By: Nader (MW Admin)