Seeing the Light Part 2

I recently thought to myself, I am no longer in “survival mode”, I have finally entered “revival mode”.

Revival. Just let that sink in for a minute. What does “revival” mean? Different things to different people I am sure. To me, it means accepting my new life. Accepting that some people were meant to be chapters in my book. Maybe, they are a whole section of chapters, but chapters nonetheless.

Revival. Letting go of the anger, hurt, and resentment of what was done to me. Letting go of the destruction that was caused to my self, my being, and my persona by others.

Revival. Learning to accept the loss of the future that I once had planned, was looking forward to, and accepting that I have a new future now. And maybe, just maybe … I can allow myself to be excited about what the future may have in store for me.

“But they plan. And Allah plans. And Allah is the best of planners” [Qur’an 8:30]

“Be patient, for what was written for you was written by the Greatest of Writers”

Revival. When I wrote Seeing the Light, it was very difficult for me. I cried the entire time and thought multiple times I would erase before I hit submit.

But I did it.

Exposing myself was extremely overwhelming, embarrassing, and heart breaking, but I have come a long way.

Revival. I have continued on my path. Soaking up all the information I could. Reading, reading and more reading. Videos, lectures etc. Thankful to the people who helped me directly everyday, or helped me indirectly just through Twitter. I had multiple conversations with myself about taking the Shahada. Multiple conversations with my friend @amtakingheed regarding the same. I just needed the timing to be right. The feeling to be right.

Revival. I had planned on fasting for Ramadan. Shahada or no Shahada. I had been fasting the Sunnah for practice. My plans were derailed due to two hospital stays the week before, being incredibly sick, travel, and other. I felt devastated. I was so upset. Again, my plan was derailed.

Revival. I continued to pray, continued to make Dua, and carried on. Then an ordinary day like any other. Friday night, extra long day at work. Nothing to do. Finally settling down, catching up on the day. I was catching up on @bonsaisky Vlogs. I came across another Vlog by a revert @dawahaddict. I like his videos, and had not seen this one, and began to watch. It was about the Shahada. I thought it was an educational piece as his Vlogs usually are.

Revival. I was watching, and following along and before I knew it, I was crying. Crying, and could barely get my words out. Tears streaming down my face.

“There is no god, but God. Muhammad is the messenger of God”
“lā ʾilāha ʾillā-llāh, muḥammadur rasūlu-llāh”

Revival. I immediately ran upstairs to my prayer rug and went into sujuud (prostration). Crying, overwhelmingly so, overcome by the emotion of the moment. Or moments as it lasted a while. Tears streaming, trying to calm myself down saying over and over…

“There is no god but God. Muhammad is the messenger of God”
“lā ʾilāha ʾillā-llāh, muḥammadur rasūlu-llāh”

Revival. I was completely overcome by the emotion. If someone else was telling me this, I would think they were crazy, that they were exaggerating. Until it became me. Down in sujuud completely overwhelmed by the moment. Crying as I am writing this and it happened just a few days ago.

Revival. I honestly cant describe the feeling I felt. I know I sat and cried for about and hour. Chatting with @amtakingheed … saying ‘something just happened‘ and trying to explain the gravity of the moment.

So, I took my Shahada! Now what!? I begin the path to be what I can be. There are so many people to thank. I think I thanked everyone! This journey continues for me. I don’t know what it will bring, but I am looking forward to the experience. I will do my best, and I am sure I will stumble along the way, but my heart is where it needs to be right now. I am happy that I am able to observe some of Ramadan this year, and fast. The timing was completely unplanned and unexpected. Or was it? What did I say above?

“But they plan. And Allah plans. And Allah is the best of planners” [8:30]

“Be patient, for what was written for you, was written by the Greatest of Writers”

Revival. Just let that sink in for a moment.

By: @jmc_enigma (MW Guest)

One thought on “Seeing the Light Part 2”

  1. 17:107
    Say, “Believe in it or do not believe. Indeed, those who were given knowledge before it – when it is recited to them, they fall upon their faces in prostration,
    And they say, “Exalted is our Lord! Indeed, the promise of our Lord has been fulfilled.”
    And they fall upon their faces weeping, and the Qur’an increases them in humble submission.

    Alhamdulillah, that Allah guided you to Islam, may he also keep us all steadfast, and make us all among those who are muttaqeen.
    I stumbled upon your first blog, and this one. One prominent thing that I observed is you crying to Allah, that leading you to Allah, and could only think of the verses above as an answer to the rhetorical question you asked yourself “So, I took my Shahada! Now what!?”. In my very little knowledge of Islam , and in complete humility I believe one of the best things you have achieved on your journey to Islam, is crying out to Allah. No matter what, do not lose that, apart from the above verses, you will be among those who would be shaded on the day of Judgement. There are many of us, in our daily lives, we lose this habit of crying out of either the love, or fear of Allah, fortunate are those reverts who discover Islam, while crying out to Allah. May Allah keep you steadfast, and grant you the company of Asiya (Radi Allaha Anha) in Jannah.

    Liked by 1 person

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