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Muslim Words 
assalammualaikum sister,
I feel sad for you, as i know how it feels to be trap, i am too. in ny own issues.
But i believe you can easily change your situation. If you are young , intelligent, have career, you can always move to new community, and gradually, with knowledge from masjid, islamic websites, well known islamic at youtube etc, You will become who you want to be. An intelligent, good looking, pious, strong minded, Muslimah.
And you will make friends, inshaAllah get married, be a Muslim, lillahi taala.
A smart person is not who has degree, but can solve problems using intellect and faith.
lahawla wala quwatta illa billa
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Assalam aleikum
I’m a muslim born and raised in west and I live in a city without muslims around and all my life i’ve grown between non-muslims and catholics thus even tho my parents did an amazing job trying to raise me on deen, there is this dark deep side inside me with a lot of doubts and Questions that I cant share with anyone because i dont have a local Imam to turn to nor I want to seed doubts in the minds of other muslims like me living in west excluded from islamic classes and company.
I keep trying to fight these questions and look for answers only with reputable dawihs or scholars but sadly when my environment keeps shoving me with Questions about my faith and I have no one to turn to its hard to keep my sanity in this fight between my deen and dunia. I’m mentally and physically exhausted and I’ve been depressed for quite a long time now and i’m experiencing panic attacks because on one hand I cant imagine a life without a God and on other hand there is so much about God and Islam that I dont understand and have no one to clarify me about. I really hope you can enlighten me about my doubts because i’m tired of reaching out to muslims and getting only answers like ‘just worry to get to jannah first’ or ‘dont think about it just go with the flow’ because I dont want to dive in deeper darkness and i truly believe Islam is not a religion against questions or knowledge and its part of my curious personality to look for why’s and hows in everything and I cant help myself no matter how much i try these thoughts keep coming and they make my heart and soul burn with pain, doubt and confusion because I dont want a life of only dunia and I dont want a life without God but at the same time im too afraid that others who claim there is no God end up being right (astagferullah) and the thought of that makes me feel like i’ll lose my sanity one day.
I dont know how to make the questions i want to ask and I will just write them and hopefully you will understand what I mean and will take some time to answer me on some of the questions inshaAllah. Some of this questions keep troubling me and others are questions that i’ve heard from some friends and they actually made me get stuck without an answer:
1) Why did God need to create animals and different species if this world was made for Humans?
2) What is Islamic perspective of dinosaurs and fossils? Why God created those beasts before mankind and then allowed them to extinguish?
3) If something as powerful and perfect as God can exist without being created why cant the universe came to existence by itself without being created?
4) Why God allowed so many other religions to exist in this earth? How can we know that our religion wont come to and end like vikings or greek religions?
5) If a man and a woman dont want any other companions in paradise other than their spouse will they be granted that wish?
I have many other questions that cause me great anxiety and panic attacks and right now im feeling physically sick just by typing these questions. Why it keeps happening to me? Why cant I just live a life of a normal muslim believer without having to experience these thoughts coming to me even during the month of Ramadan when shaytan is locked up? Am I doomed forever? I really hope Allah can forgive me and guide me to His path and give me some sign to hold me on to Him.
JazakaAllah khayran
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